Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

As you know, I have been fairly well behaved this past year. o.k., aside from the occasional deep hatred felt towards a certain control-freakish, obsessive parent, I do make sure that I ask for forgiveness- after I'm tired of getting myself all spun up thinking about all of the horrid things this person has done. Or at least I think that I've asked for forgiveness for all of those times. I promise I'll pray an all encompassing prayer to cover all of this as soon as I'm done with this letter. And I'll make it a true, heartfelt prayer.

So here's the deal, Santa. I want somebody to read my blog!Sorry, but my kids don't count because I make them read it. After all, I gave life to them; it is the least they can do to pay me back. I mean really, is this too much to ask?

Now I'm not bragging or anything,but you know that I work hard on my blog, agonize over templates, hunt for the best songs, and I am diligent to use my dictionary like a good student blogger should. I have learned so much in this journey and have learned my lessons well. Some of those being: No matter how tempting it is, do not write a blog site as if it is written by your pet. No matter how cute you may think it is. Because it's stupid. And a lot of people,unfortunately, do. Also, don't put your pet's head onto a person's dancing body, such as, a dancing elf video. Yikes. double weirdness.Last of all, embrace your spell checker, make it your friend! Or at least attempt to make complete sentences.

You see, to be honest Santa, my real problem is blogger envy. Ever since I found the blog Nat the Fat Rat, who happens to have over 1000 followers (1000!! Holy cow!), I long to post such creative wonders. I've even become a blog stalker, reading every post of hers, ecstatic when she puts a new one on! Is it weird that I know so much about her, yet we've never met? Perhaps this is something serious that will soon be labeled a sickness and a 12 step program will be developed.But will my insurance cover it? Or maybe a scientist will proclaim that I simply have genetic tendencies for blog stalking and can't be cured. What then? Will Obama's health care plan take care of me? Is there any hope for me?!

So Santa, all I want for Christmas is some blog followers who are not ones that I have given birth to. Is that too much to ask? I know that you aren't into healing, that's a Jesus thing, or I'd ask you to rid me of this obsession. Until then, see what you can do. You have any elves that might be interested?


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