Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Duel

The Beast called from it's cold, dark abyss. In the quiet dawn, it's whisper echoed in the empty halls, up the quiet stairs, and into my room. I awoke, and silently, stealthily, crept to its lair where it waited...patiently...for me.

The featherless Godzilla bird beckoned me to the duel, and I accepted its challenge. Valiantly prying open the gate to its cave, I spied the beast slumbering in its frigid cocoon. Its massive bulk loomed over the pickle jar and 1% jug of milk.

Knowing what must be done, fear gripped my heart and a groan escaped from my lips. I believe I saw Godzilla's skin rise with turkey pimples in the excitement of the coming challenge.

With an expression of grim determination and my pajama sleeves rolled up, I wrestled all thirty-two pounds of turkey flesh out of that cold, carcass lovin' cave. The Beast kicked with its knuckle nubbed legs and pointy beasty wings, but I hefted it into my cage. I was determined to win this battle!

Before the Beast had a chance to escape, I rammed my mighty fist right up that Beasts....well, I better not get into graphic details in order to keep the "G" rating of this post. Anyways, I filled that Beast with my secret ammunition, stuffing its beastly cavity and leaving it defenseless. I do believe that an airy groan escaped from the Beast's headless hole. eewwwww.

But I knew I wasn't done. I needed to finish this Beast off. Imprisoned and stuffed, I tied down the featherless monster, tied his ugly knuckle nubbed legs together. nice and tight. So tight and masterly knotted that he wouldn't be able to slip out and escape from the fiery pit that awaited him.

I had been preparing this beast's fiery hell long before I began the duel, making sure that the pit was nice and hot. But wrestling with the Beast to its final doom would not be easy. I knew that I was close to ending this battle once and for all, but I needed all of the strength that I could muster. Grabbing hold of the mighty cage in which I had snared Godzilla in, I hefted the mass of tied turkey flesh and stumbled the few steps with it to its final resting place. In the padding of my stocking feet I believe that I heard a whispered, "Dead turkey walkin'," echo in the early morning hours of my kitchen.

So I ended the fight, finished the feud, and won. I had conquered. And my reward? I fed that featherless,clammy skinned, Godzilla monster Beast to my little clan. They pounced upon its golden carcass and devoured him up, like hyenas on a gazelle, tigers on a water buffalo, rabid dogs on a cute little defenceless kitten. Yum.

I love being a carnivore. Don't you?


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