It's in the Choosing

"What am I doing wrong as a mother?"

How many times have I assaulted myself with this very question? Too many times. And it is so easy to do. Fearful of making the right decision, I convince myself that their very life depends on the decisions I make.

Or the rant I hit them with the night before comes back to haunt me and whispers in my ear, "They will carry that with them for the rest of their lives!"

I could spend hours mulling it.

But lately when I look at my kids, I see such strength and awesome qualities, inspite of me!(Thank you, God!) And I especially see this in the three that are out on their own. But you know the greatest, most amazing characteristic that blows me away?

It is that they are brave.

Yes, brave! Not brave like, go-off -to-war-and-slay-thy-enemies brave, but step-out-and-choose-hard-things, brave.

I see three young women who are stepping out with much courage into this big world. Sure, at times it can get scary. And at times fear can keep us from doing something brave. But, it's in the choosing where we grow.

like birthin' a baby. Scary.

like leading a worship team. (Don't even ask me to sing in front of people!)

like leaving everything and everyone you know and living in a third world country where cockroaches love to hide in the squatty and jump out at you at night, making you hold it 'till you get a massive headache and are about to wet your pants, until you are able to shoo them all away.

'nough said.

I am finally realizing that, while education is very important, there is this characteristic of choosing to be brave that is so incredibly valuable. I don't believe that we are just born with courage in our hearts, but it's in the choosing where it is developed. And without the choosing, we don't grow, learn, experience, change; become an adult.

But fear, self-doubt, and perfectionism can be such a courage killer. It can suck the courage right out of a person. I know that as well as anyone else, and that is why I am so in awe of my brave young women!

Which ultimately leads me to ask myself, "When was the last time I chose to be brave and do something hard?"

Hmmm.

John Bingham said, "The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."

I am so very proud of you girls for having the courage to start.

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Have you ever considered following a blog? How about mine? I mean, not that it matters to me or anything because,hey, it's not about the numbers for me. really. Okay, just a little. What grinds my gears are those blogs out there that are full of simple sentences, misspelled words and run-ons that have a bizillion followers! Unfair! It simply sucks the creative juices out of a blogger. Just thought you'd want to know.